OT: Need advice on dealing with unreasonable attorney fees

[Hilltopwalters]

This is a bit of an aside but also on topic, I think, but I split with my gf recently (for a number of reasons) but it freaked me out (I'm terrified of divorce) a lot seeing every single person in her family be divorced at least once. I didn't want to end up like that and this thread has honestly helped with reassuring me of my decision (not that I needed it, but still).

All I can say is best of luck to you and anyone else going through this situation.

[XXtwindad]

Another option: don’t get married. The institution was originally a financial agreement until the myth makers of everlasting love conflated it with romance.

[Ken Robb]

Never been a lawyer but I have seen some break-ups between couples who had been cohabiting but not married that were worse and more complicated than most divorces. I think marital law is more clearly delineated than who gets what after living together.

Do I remember Lee Marvin finding out the hard way that he owed "spousal support" and division of "community" property when he and his girlfriend split up?

[buddybikes]

Originally Posted by XXtwindad

Another option: don’t get married. The institution was originally a financial agreement until the myth makers of everlasting love conflated it with romance.

Each situation unique, 39.5 years married, wife is working 15 ft away from me. Couldn't see it any other way. Yes she may row down in the basement because roads are wet but I'll let that slide...

[GregL]

Originally Posted by Ken Robb

Never been a lawyer but I have seen some break-ups between couples who had been cohabiting but not married that were worse and more complicated than most divorces. I think marital law is more clearly delineated than who gets what after living together.

Do I remember Lee Marvin finding out the hard way that he owed "spousal support" and division of "community" property when he and his girlfriend split up?

Sound advice. Never, EVER make large purchases with another person without a contract (marriage or otherwise). If the relationship sours, there is the potential for the situation to devolve very quickly, without clear legal recourse. My divorce was a PIA, but the legalities were very clearly spelled out in NYS law. There was very little to contest/litigate since both my ex and myself (and our attorneys) simply followed state law.

Greg

[glepore]

Agreed. If its real estate we're talking about, joint tenants gives equal interests with surviving party inheriting. Otherwise, its easy and cheap to form an llc and adjust ownership in the llc to reflect equity interests with the ownership interest in the llc being handled by either the agreement or the respective parties wills.
My so and I have been together for 15 years without being married and have had both scenarios. Joint tenants w right of survivorship currently with life insurance or transfer on death of investment assets to make sure the survivor of us is in same economic situation without having to deal with estate stuff.

[Waldo62]

Originally Posted by XXtwindad

This is not my area of expertise, and I’m actually thankful to have no firsthand experience in this realm. But I am also confused. From your prior posts, it doesn’t appear you have children with your ex. Why is spousal support necessary?

She is asking for spousal support, not child support.

[Likes2ridefar]

Originally Posted by XXtwindad

Another option: don’t get married. The institution was originally a financial agreement until the myth makers of everlasting love conflated it with romance.

For me it was a requirement, and the only way, to get my SO into the country.

[Waldo62]

Originally Posted by Ken Robb

Never been a lawyer but I have seen some break-ups between couples who had been cohabiting but not married that were worse and more complicated than most divorces. I think marital law is more clearly delineated than who gets what after living together.

Do I remember Lee Marvin finding out the hard way that he owed "spousal support" and division of "community" property when he and his girlfriend split up?

You do remember. Marvin v. Marvin is a big deal in California family law.

[Mr. Pink]

Originally Posted by XXtwindad

Another option: don’t get married. The institution was originally a financial agreement until the myth makers of everlasting love conflated it with romance.

I hear you, but, you don't want to die alone, and marriage, as stated above, is an easy way to legally entitle either party to shared RE and assets if something happens to the other. I am seriously contemplating marriage at the moment, before dropping a hundred grand into a "charming" old house she bought that we will both be living in. I trust her alcoholic, bankrupt sister in law as far as I could throw her, and her poor brother a little bit more. I don't want to be homeless in my 70s.

[cmg]

If she bought lovely old house before your married she'll keep it in a divorce.

[glepore]

Originally Posted by Mr. Pink

I hear you, but, you don't want to die alone, and marriage, as stated above, is an easy way to legally entitle either party to shared RE and assets if something happens to the other. I am seriously contemplating marriage at the moment, before dropping a hundred grand into a "charming" old house she bought that we will both be living in. I trust her alcoholic, bankrupt sister in law as far as I could throw her, and her poor brother a little bit more. I don't want to be homeless in my 70s.

Don't need marriage for that. Have house retitled as joint tenants with right of survivorship. Automatically goes to the surviving owner upon death of either without estate, and neither party can sell without consent of the other.
Actually safer than marriage if all you want to protect is the real estate.
The only advantage of marriage (tenants by the entireties) is in theory greater protection against creditors.

[Louis]

Originally Posted by buddybikes

Yes she may row down in the basement because roads are wet but I'll let that slide...

Sounds like irreconcilable differences to me.

[iamconfused]

Thanks all.. The deed of the house is in both of our names fwiw.

This whole thing has drastically affected my life in such a way I never expected... From the second I wake up, until I go to sleep, I think about this every minute of the day. It really tears me up inside knowing that she is at fault but will still get away with this and probably take the house and half of any money I have left after the divorce... oh and im sure ill be paying her at least a year of alimony.

I was hopeful until recently when I found out my attorney lied to me about the judges suggestion for resolution at pre-trial. I had a suspicion that was the case as it seemed too good to be true, but my new attorney just confirmed it.

Its really sad that no matter how "good" a lawyer is, things are still a toss-up as at least the 2 lawyers I previously had, all did things to sway me in a negative direction. I thought that having a good lawyer who gets $600/hr would help, but he actually did a lot of harm. "Collaborating" with my ex's attorney to make the case last longer.

If anyone can ask around for a good, honest attorney in Connecticut, please let me know. Otherwise, I will soon throw in the towel and let her have everything. I cant deal with the mental gymnastics of dealing with dishonest attorneys. I contemplated representing myself as I spend most of my day researching this topic anyway, but ill probably just make a fool out of myself.

[djg21]

Originally Posted by iamconfused

Thanks all.. The deed of the house is in both of our names fwiw.

This whole thing has drastically affected my life in such a way I never expected... From the second I wake up, until I go to sleep, I think about this every minute of the day. It really tears me up inside knowing that she is at fault but will still get away with this and probably take the house and half of any money I have left after the divorce... oh and im sure ill be paying her at least a year of alimony.

I was hopeful until recently when I found out my attorney lied to me about the judges suggestion for resolution at pre-trial. I had a suspicion that was the case as it seemed too good to be true, but my new attorney just confirmed it.

Its really sad that no matter how "good" a lawyer is, things are still a toss-up as at least the 2 lawyers I previously had, all did things to sway me in a negative direction. I thought that having a good lawyer who gets $600/hr would help, but he actually did a lot of harm. "Collaborating" with my ex's attorney to make the case last longer.

If anyone can ask around for a good, honest attorney in Connecticut, please let me know. Otherwise, I will soon throw in the towel and let her have everything. I cant deal with the mental gymnastics of dealing with dishonest attorneys. I contemplated representing myself as I spend most of my day researching this topic anyway, but ill probably just make a fool out of myself.

Do not represent yourself. That would be a disaster and you would get screwed, especially since your soon-to-be ex is represented and the divorce is acrimonious. Unfortunately, you are going to have to accept the fact that you are going to spend money on an attorney — you need a good one, as it sounds like you have significant assets that you stand to lose to your soon-to-be ex.

It doesn’t take much for an attorney to burn through $10,000 in fees, especially if papers must be prepared, there is motion practice, and court appearances must be prepared for and made. This is especially true when an adversary is unreasonable. I hate to say this, but you need to adjust your expectations.

I was raised in New Haven and can ask attorneys I know there about matrimonial lawyers if that is where you are. I don’t personally know anyone who practices divorce law.